Weekly 10: The Invasion of the Ghosts

ONE: A total number of 71,135 ghosts and ghouls have invaded the Nigerian Federal Civil Service and the government has been paying these non-people regularly to the annual tune of N28 billion. To make room for the ghost workers, 44,320 real pensioners were dumped out of the system by the administrations of the scheme. A biometric exercise administered by the Pension Reform Task Force discovered these undead characters. This is simply unfortunate. However, we must commend the task force for righting a wrong that has been crippling the Civil Service and the Nigerian government since inception.

TWO: The NaijaCyberHacktivists struck again last week. They hacked the websites of the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) and Nigerian Communication Commission (NCC). They claim to be against the threat to impose internet censorship in Nigeria. It is not clear what the consequence of this hacktivity was but one is absolutely sure of their motive. Their message read: “It is clear that the government takes us for fools. It is clear that they would rather block all chances of expression of the African youth’s aspiration for change. Any effort made to censor the internet would therefore result to a state of war between NaijaCyberHacktivists (with well-meaning Nigerians on our side) and the Nigerian Government should they find themselves so inclined to impose censorship upon the internet.” At press time, the EFCC website has not been restored since the hacktack. Nigerian government, are you listening?

THREE: The members of the National Youth Council of Nigeria (NYCN) have threatened to go on a hunger strike and to storm the doors of the National Assembly if the Jonathan government does not rescind its threat to remove the public subsidies on petrol. They, like the NaijaCyberHacktivists, have declared open war on the government if it does not listen to their wishes. We repeat, Nigerian government, are you listening?

FOUR: At this year’s Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting (CHOGM), the Head of the Nigerian commonwealth was curiously missing from two scheduled speeches. His 120-member delegation carried on his duties however. We are sure that the speeches were completely life altering and ground breaking to require a 120 delegation give it. In the end, the question remains; how common were the benefits of the wealth distributed to the 120-member delegation?

FIVE: Fafana Sekon, of the Boko Haram persuasion, recently attempted to source a volunteer to bomb the longest bridge in Africa, the famed Third Mainland Bridge. The bridge was built in 1990 and it connects the Lagos Island to the Mainland. The man sent out an ad of some sort using the blackberry messenger app to some of his friends. The message read: “Boko Haram has offered to pay $5 million to anybody that would volunteer to bomb down the Third Mainland Bridge, Lagos.’’ The man has been charged with illegal act of “belonging to an unlawful society”. His case will be heard December.  Until then, he lives in prison.

SIX: Last week, the Nigerian domestic and external debt profile hit the N6 trillion mark. It was also reported last week that there are currently 167 million Nigerians. The country’s per capita debt stands at 35,928, meaning each Nigerian apparently owes N 35,928. It is not particularly clear precisely what we got for this sum? We hope it was a bargain.

SEVEN: The cholera epidemic is still slaughtering many Nigerians all through the regions of Nigeria. This year alone, UNICEF reports that there have been more than 1,555 deaths as a result of this so preventable disease. This photo story presents the human face to the incompetence and inefficiency that characterizes the Nigerian health system. To the 1,555 dead Nigeria, may we learn to do better so that 1,555 others are not dead in another year.

EIGHT: HERE is a fantastic editorial about the regional politics surrounding the reform of the Nigerian Petroleum Industry. The piece explains the birth of the Petroleum industry bill 3 years ago and its evolution over the years. The political intrigue that has kept the bill lagging in the senate and the house is simply unfortunate. While Northern leaders whine, and selfish investors amend the bill into irrelevance, many Nigerians continue drinking oil.

NINE: Nigerian Football Federation recently sacked the coach of the Nigerian Super Eagles, Mr. SiaSia, for his failure to coach the super eagles into qualifying for the 2012 Africa Cup of Nations. He signed an agreement that ostensibly relieves him of his job if he fails to do just that. While we are sad for the loss of his job, we believe that this is a start for the rule of law and accountability in the country. From the football field to the National Assembly, we hope.

TEN: Mr. Deji Bakare, the new owner of a brand new SUV and the steward of N1M was yesterday titled Mr. Nigeria. Congratulations to him.